en españolAyude a su hijo a organizarse
Most kids generate a little chaos and disorganization. Yours might flit from one thing to the next — forgetting books at school, leaving towels on the floor, and failing to finish projects once started.
You'd like them to be more organized and to stay focused on tasks, such as homework. Is it possible?
Yes! A few kids seem naturally organized, but for the rest, organization is a skill learned over time. With help and some practice, kids can develop an effective approach to getting stuff done.
And you're the perfect person to teach your child, even if you don't feel all that organized yourself!
Easy as 1-2-3
For kids, all tasks can be broken down into a 1-2-3 process.
Getting organized means a kid gets where he or she needs to be and gathers the supplies needed to complete the task.
Staying focused means sticking with the task and learning to say "no" to distractions.
Getting it done means finishing up, checking your work, and putting on the finishing touches, like remembering to put a homework paper in the right folder and putting the folder inside the backpack so it's ready for the next day.
Once kids know these steps — and how to apply them — they can start tackling tasks more independently. That means homework, chores, and other tasks will get done with increasing consistency and efficiency. Of course, kids will still need parental help and guidance, but you probably won't have to nag as much.
Not only is it practical to teach these skills, but knowing how to get stuff done will help your child feel more competent and effective. Kids feel self-confident and proud when they're able to accomplish their tasks and responsibilities. They're also sure to be pleased when they find they have some extra free time to do what they'd like to do.
From Teeth Brushing to Book Reports
To get started, introduce the 1-2-3 method and help your child practice it in daily life. Even something as simple as brushing teeth requires this approach, so you might use this example when introducing the concept:
- Getting organized: Go to the bathroom and get out your toothbrush and toothpaste. Turn on the water.
- Staying focused: Dentists say to brush for 3 minutes, so that means keep brushing, even if you hear a really good song on the radio or you remember that you wanted to call your friend. Concentrate and remember what the dentist told you about brushing away from your gums.
- Getting it done: If you do steps 1 and 2, step 3 almost takes care of itself. Hurray, your 3 minutes are up and your teeth are clean! Getting it done means finishing up and putting on the finishing touches. With teeth brushing, that would be stuff like turning off the water, putting away the toothbrush and paste, and making sure there's no toothpaste foam on your face!
With a more complex task, like completing a book report, the steps would become more involved, but the basic elements remain the same.
Here's how you might walk your child through the steps:
1. Getting Organized
Explain that this step is all about getting ready. It's about figuring out what kids need to do and gathering any necessary items. For instance: "So you have a book report to write. What do you need to do to get started?" Help your child make a list of things like: Choose a book. Make sure the book is OK with the teacher. Write down the book and the author's name. Check the book out of the library. Mark the due date on a calendar.
Then help your child think of the supplies needed: The book, some note cards, a pen for taking notes, the teacher's list of questions to answer, and a report cover. Have your child gather the supplies where the work will take place.
As the project progresses, show your child how to use the list to check off what's already done and get ready for what's next. Demonstrate how to add to the list, too. Coach your child to think, "OK, I did these things. Now, what's next? Oh yeah, start reading the book" and to add things to the list like finish the book, read over my teacher's directions, start writing the report.
2. Staying Focused
Explain that this part is about doing it and sticking with the job. Tell kids this means doing what you're supposed to do, following what's on the list, and sticking with it.
It also means focusing when there's something else your child would rather be doing — the hardest part of all! Help kids learn how to handle and resist these inevitable temptations. While working on the report, a competing idea might pop into your child's head: "I feel like shooting some hoops now." Teach kids to challenge that impulse by asking themselves "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?"
Explain that a tiny break to stretch a little and then get right back to the task at hand is OK. Then kids can make a plan to shoot hoops after the work is done. Let them know that staying focused is tough sometimes, but it gets easier with practice.
3. Getting it Done
Explain that this is the part when kids will be finishing up the job. Talk about things like copying work neatly and asking a parent to read it over to help find any mistakes.
Coach your child to take those important final steps: putting his or her name on the report, placing it in a report cover, putting the report in the correct school folder, and putting the folder in the backpack so it's ready to be turned in.
How to Start
Here are some tips on how to begin teaching the 1-2-3 process:
Introduce the Idea
Start the conversation by using the examples above and show your child the kids' article Organize, Focus, Get It Done. Read it together and ask for reactions. Will it be easy or hard? Is he or she already doing some of it? Is there something he or she would like to get better at?
Brainstorm about what might be easier or better if your child was more organized and focused. Maybe homework would get done faster, there would be more play time, and there would be less nagging about chores. Then there's the added bonus of your child feeling proud and you being proud, too.
Be clear, in a kind way, that you expect your kids to work on these skills and that you'll be there to help along the way.
Make a Plan
Decide on one thing to focus on first. You can come up with three things and let your child choose one. Or if homework or a particular chore has been a problem, that's the natural place to begin.
Get Comfortable in Your Role
For the best results, you'll want to be a low-key coach. You can ask questions that will help kids get on track and stay there. But use these questions to prompt their thought process about what needs to be done. Praise progress, but don't go overboard. The self-satisfaction kids will feel will be a more powerful motivator. Also, be sure to ask your child's opinion of how things are going so far.
Start Thinking in Questions
Though you might not realize it, every time you take on a task, you ask yourself questions and then answer them with thoughts and actions. If you want to unload groceries from the car, you ask yourself:
- Q: Did I get them all out of the trunk?
A: No. I'll go get the rest.
- Q: Did I close the trunk?
- Q: Where's the milk and ice cream? I need to put them away first.
A: Done. Now, what's next?
Encourage kids to start seeing tasks as a series of questions and answers. Suggest that they ask these questions out loud and then answer them. These questions are the ones you hope will eventually live inside a child's head. And with practice, they'll learn to ask them without being prompted.
Work together to come up with questions that need to be asked so the chosen task can be completed. You might even jot them down on index cards. Start by asking the questions and having your child answer. Later, transfer responsibility for the questions from you to your child.
Things to Remember
It will take time to teach kids how to break down tasks into steps. It also will take time for them to learn how to apply these skills to what needs to be done. Sometimes, it will seem simpler just to do it for them. It certainly would take less time.
But the trouble is that kids don't learn how to be independent and successful if their parents swoop in every time a situation is challenging or complex.
Here's why it's worth your time and effort:
- Kids learn new skills that they'll need — how to pour a bowl of cereal, tie shoes, match clothes, complete a homework assignment.
- They'll develop a sense of independence. Kids who dress themselves at age 4 feel like big kids. It's a good feeling that will deepen over time as they learn to do even more without help. From these good feelings, kids begin to form a belief about themselves — "I can do it."
- Your firm but kind expectations that your kids should start tackling certain jobs on their own send a strong message. You reinforce their independence and encourage them to accept a certain level of responsibility. Kids learn that others will set expectations and that they can meet them.
- This kind of teaching can be a very loving gesture. You're taking the time to show your kids how to do something — with interest, patience, love, kindness, and their best interests at heart. This will make kids feel cared for and loved. Think of it as filling up a child's toolbox with crucial life tools.
My youngest stomped into the living room last Monday and dumped his pack on the floor.
- "How was school?"
- "Great! I only have math homework."
- I paused "Are you sure?"
- "Absolutely. Nothing else. I asked my friend, too."
- Didn't you have Spanish today?"
- "Oh yeah, he gave us a worksheet to do. And we started our new technology class today. It looks great."
- "Don't you usually have a syllabus or something to sign when you start a class?"
- :"Oh yeah, I forgot. I need you to sign two papers."
- "It's Monday. Didn't you have a letter you had to write in class today in Language Arts? Do I need to sign it?"
- "And spelling due Thursday?"
- "Uhuh. She handed out a sheet."
- "Your social studies teacher sent me a copy of your study guide for your test Friday."
- "But that's not due until Thursday!"
(Are YOU busy with a short attention span? Skip to the bottom of this page for a concrete list of tips that really help If you've got the time for the background, read on.)
The Organizational Demands Of Middle School
Sound familiar? Five assignments. My son had only remembered one. And given that up to 75% of his grades are based on homework, not remembering to do it - or to turn it in when it's complete - can cause major problems for kids, failing grades, and even retention in middle school,
Middle school differs from elementary school in many ways - one of the most important, but underestimated, is the increased pressure it puts in kids' organizational abilities. Take the above example. Not only does it show off my son's not atypical difficulty keeping track of his work. It also shows up just how COMPLICATED the work is that he has to keep track of.
- Five courses with six different teachers
- Due dates of one, two, and four days.
- Different types of tasks, each needing different types of materials to complete them
Cognitive Development In Middle School
Although kids make major gains in cognitive ability as they enter adolescence, often the demands of school outstrip them. As I wrote in my previous post: What MIddle School Parents Should Know: Adolescents Are Like Lawyers, middle schoolers make five major gains in their ability to think:
- They can think about possibilities
- They can think about abstract concepts
- Their metacognitive abilities improve (they can think about thinking)
- They can think multi-dimensionally, playing one idea off of another
- They can think relativistically, understanding things from different points of views.
The misfit on middle schools to early adolescents' development
A positive side of this development is that they are capable of much more abstract, multidimensional thinking.
Unfortunately, these new abilities often put them in conflict with the demands of middle schools.
- Middle school requires more rote learning. As developmental researcher Jacqueline Eccles has written, at the same time that adolescents develop new cognitive abilities, many middle schools ask students to do more ROTE tasks that are LESS cognitively demanding. Whereas elementary school projects often ask kids to integrate and think creatively about material, middle schools often ask kids to memorize and repeat back information. Although there are many good reasons for this - you can't think integratively and intelligently in the absence of facts and solid knowledge, it can also be frustring for students who feel that they are doing more repetitive, less challenging tasks. Math, in particular, tends to focus on review and consolidation rather than learning new skills.
- Thinking about multiple possibilities can cause kids to freeze. Presented with many different possibilities, kids can freeze up, spending more time thinking and deciding than choosing a path and doing.
- School's demands for organization may outstrip kids' abilities to do it. Moving from class to class requires kids to rapidly adjust to the expectations of different teachers. Assignments are rarely as integrated as they are in elmentary school or as teachers would like them to be. And the physical act of bringing home all those books and all those papers - and getting them back again - can be daunting.
The responsibility for completing their work lies in your child
It is important to remember that the primary responsbility for completing work well is with your child. But it's also really easy for us to believe that when they don't immediately do that well, it's from stubbornness, or laziness, or lack of effort.
Begin with the assumption that it's not. Most kids want to do well. They certainly don't want to get in trouble and don't want to spend more time on their homework than they have to. Giving them the tools they need can improve homework quality while at the same time reducing the time it takes to complete it.
Some strategies that work
Parents can help kids get organized by focusing on the PROCESS and LOGISTICS of school and not just 'helping with homework' and working on content. By focusing on HOW they do their homework (what time, what conditions) not the content of it, you let them keep control over it while giving them tools to manage it effectively themselves.
In addition to these suggestions, go to this page on Children With Special Needsfor a wealth of additional information. A list of strategies for both teachers and parents are available here at Intervention Central.
Where things fall through the cracks.
When my son and I went through his problems with completing and turning in his work, we came up with five key points where things fell apart. These were the principles we arrived at:
- Eliminate thinking as much as possible
- Make organization automatic
- Use planners or assignment books effectively - you can't count on memory
- Make sure all materials are home when they're needed
- Make sure completed assignments can be found and TURNED IN
Make things automatic. The single most important thing you can do is to help your child make good organizational skills AUTOMATIC.The less they have to think, the less likely they are to make mistakes. The goal is for good organizational skills to become habitual so your child doesn't have to think about and remember what to do. They go to class, sit down, and open their planner and check the board for assignments.
Organize all materials together in one place. When my son got his supplies list at the beginning of the year, he was asked to get 7 folders and 7 spiral notebooks, plus two three ring binders. The idea, I know, was to minimize what the kids had to carry back and forth to school. Kids are supposed to bring home what they need and leave the rest at school. This only works for organized kids. For my son, it meant that he'd always be home without the notebook he needed to do his homework.
A few years ago we had solved the problem by putting everything into one humungous three ring binder.
Last year, that didn't work, as the folders and notebooks were just too numerous. After six month's experimentation, we finally got a new system: a large expanding accordian folder that took file folders and spiral notebooks alike. It even took his assignment book.
This year EVERYTHING went on an iPod Touch. He takes pictures of the assignments the teacher writes on the board. He takes pictures of the worksheets so he can't lose them. He takes pictures of his assignments so he can print them out again if (when) he loses them. He enters his assignments in an app that is fantastic for keep track of assignments. He does his writing assignments on Google Docs, which are accessible from anyplace that has internet. He shares them with his teachers or can access them from his iPod and print them out. His teachers (bless them) will also let him just show them the picture and give him credit.
Which system works for your child may differ. But the idea is simple: if everything is in the same place and goes back and forth from home to school, materials are at home when needed and completed work goes back to school where it can be found. It's one less thing to remember. If you buy thinner notebooks and eliminate completed work, it isn't too much to carry.
Assignment books are the critical first step in making sure that homework is done. Many kids' metacognitive skills haven't caught up with the fact that the complexity of their tasks has outpaced their ability to keep everything in their heads.
What they can do:
- Your child MUST keep an accurate list of assignments in their planner (paper or electronic). Many kids think they'll remember an assignment, because they haven't yet realized how hard it is to keep track of the many tasks they're assigned. Different schools use different methods. Make sure you understand the system that your child's school uses to record assignments so you can help them use it effectively:
- Write down the assignment on the day it is due. The way I and many parents were taught to use a planner is to write assignments down the day it is due. You look ahead and know what to work on. You can put in 'tickler' notes to break down long assignments into smaller parts.
- A newer method: Writing down an assignment the day it is assigned. Both my sons - in two different school systems 10 years apart - were taught to write down assignments on the day they are ASSIGNED. After 10 years, I have finally learned how this system is SUPPOSED to work, although neither of my sons ever did. It does make sense and is an excellent system if your child can use it.
- When an assignment is assigned, write it down the day assigned AND THE DAY DUE.
- The next day, check the previous day's assignments. Anything not complete gets written down again. Each day, continue to add new and uncompleted assignments. When an assignment is done, check it off.
- With this system, each day's listing works as a 'to do' list. It thus combines both an agenda and a to do list.
- PHOTOGRAPH THE CHALK BOARD. Most of my son's teachers write the assignments on the boards. Many of them have the week's assignments written there on Monday. Take a picture. They can organize it later.
What you can do:
- Ask your child about each class and check to make sure any assignments are written down. Be especially aware of patterns. Is spelling always due Thursdays? Math tests on Fridays? Put it on your own calendar so you can remember to ask.
- Check their planner against other sources of information. One way that parents can help is to check assignment books against other sources information to make sure they are complete. Your kids can do that too. Many schools put some assignments on-line. Other teachers hand out calendars. Others have weekly scheduled. For example, my son's Language Arts teacher assigns spelling, analogies, and grammar on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, respectively, and everything goes in on Thursday. Writing that down at the beginning of each week helps to keep things in order.
- If it's still not working, ask for help from the school. If, after all best effort, you child still isn't bringing home an accurate list of assignments, enlist help. Ask your child to stop by their teachers after school or at the end of each class and check their assignment books. If your child isn't turning in homework, your child's teacher is probably at least as frustrated as you and your child.
Make sure needed materials are home when they're needed. One of the real challenges of getting homework done is making sure that each of the books, handouts, and assignment lists are home when they're needed.
What they can do:
- Check the assignment book at the end of each day as they're packing for home.
- Set up a system to remember books. Have your child mark down what they need when they write down the assignment. For example, they can put a post-it note on the front of the planner. When they write down the assignment, they write down the books or handouts they need to do it on the post-it. If they check their post-it before they leave at the end of the day, they should be set.
- Ask for extra books. Is this a chronic problem? Does you child have a 504 or IEP or just concerned teachers? Ask for an extra set of books. In addition, many books are available electronically and the teacher just have to give you an access code.
- Don't forget worksheets! Sometimes putting all worksheets directly in the planner is the best way for them to make it home. My son takes photographs of every worksheet he is given so it's on his iPod, he can't lose it, and he can print them out if they get lost.
What you can do:
Still not working?
- If you can get a second copy of your child's books, DO IT. Some books are needed every day, but others are only needed once in a while. Kids often forget books not needed on a daily basis. This can cause major problems. It had never occurred to me that I could solve this problem by getting an extra copy of textbooks, but when I asked, my son's teachers were happy to oblige. Often now they are available electronically, you just need to get the passcode. If you're having a problem, they may have extra copies of old textbooks stuck in a closet somewhere. Ask. They can only say no.
Turning in Completed Homework
Maybe it's just my family, but both my sons and two of my neices complete their homework and then never get credit for it because they (a) leave it in their locker (b) can't find it when they teacher asks for it or (c) forget to turn it in. Because teachers are trying to reward good homework skills, this often means 0's entered into their grades or, when we're lucky, losing half the credit or more. Frustrating.
What your child can do:
- Put all homework in their assignment book. For some children, slipping all homework for the day into their assignment book is a good strategy, as they need to take it out to write down their new work. If that works, go for it.
- Flag assignments that will be turned in.Because some homework needed to be in binders and other was loose, keeping it all in one place simply did not work for my son. Flags did. You know those bright post-it notes or flags you can buy? Or paper clips? Every time my son completes an assignment, he puts a bright flag on it before he sticks it in his accordian folder. When he opens the folder up, the first thing you see is four or five bright markers, showing what has to be turned in for the day. Since he began using this system, he hasn't lost one assignment.
- Have them photograph every assignment. The ones they do in class. The ones they do at home. My kids can lose anything. Photograph it. They may also realize the assignment they thought was done wasn't finished. The photograph will show it to them.
- Do all work that can be done in Google Docs. They can't lose an assignment typed into Google Docs. They also can't lose an assignment photographed or scanned and uploaded to Google Docs. Anything in Google Docs can be printed again. Many teachers who are just checking off that things are done will just look at an iPod or phone and check it off as there.
What can you do?
Essentially nothing. You can teach your child strategies and give them the tools they need to do their work. You can make sure they photograph or upload it. But ultimately, once the homework is done and they are off at school, they're on their own.
The Disorganized Child
The New York Times published a piece today by noted psychologist, Alan Sroufe, about the long-term problems of relying on ritalin to help kids who have problems with hyperactivity and concentration in school. Bottom line: it doesn't work. Whatever your feelings about the diagnosis or over-diagnosis of attention deficit disorder, ALL of us need tools to help us stay organized and on-task in this very demanding and multi-tasking world.
Middle school is a great place to learn skills that can carry kids forward into adulthood. Some kids may develp those skills naturally. Other kids need some help. But all of us can benefit from making good strategies automatic, so can work more effectively.
Check out the comments section! We've had some good suggestions added.
Follow me on Twitter @pt_think_kids